Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
