He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize