so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
