the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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