She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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