The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
