Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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