and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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