I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
