It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize