you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Semen is not good for contacts.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
