Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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