JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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