I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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