I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
