No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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