i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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