So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
