ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
