kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm passing your future prison.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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