Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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