Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
