hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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