I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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