i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize