you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
