Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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