I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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