I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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