Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
