In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
