So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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