ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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