One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
