just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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