I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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