I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
