I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
