you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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