Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
