Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
