3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
