I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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