You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
