sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
