He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
