He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
