i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
