Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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