I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
