I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
