so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
