the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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