I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
