youre lurking in front of me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
