You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
