: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
