I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
