shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
