Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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