He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Congratulations! We have a period
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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