He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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