Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My vagina just recognized that song.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
