Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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