My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
