Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
