so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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