help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
