WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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