Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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