Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just cropdusted the office
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
