you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
