I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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