i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
