That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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