I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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