You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
