Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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