Where is the hickey?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
