He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize