In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
