you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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