If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
