You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
