Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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