No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
