bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
