remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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