somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
