She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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