Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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