so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
