We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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