Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you traded sex for a burrito?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
