So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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